I refuse to forget because forgetting is not an option. Whether good or bad, the past will be there; it will remain unchanged until our own perception distorts it. There is so much that is still unsaid, and there is so much left to do, but I feel stuck. I am stuck in the state of mind that everything is going to stay the way it is-  perfect, predictable, routine. I am stuck in thinking that everyone will stay as they are, and that people won't forget. How can you change 14 years? Will you forget the 4 that meant the most? Questions race.

Though I have wished for it to end, I have to admit that I am afraid. I fear leaving. I fear being alone. I fear change. How many people will remember me? Have I impacted your life in any way? I would hope that I have. I would hope that people will remember me in good light. I can promise that I won't forget the world that meant everything to me. I can promise that I won't forget the people that have changed me with their presence. There is so much to leave, it is overwhelming.

For those whom I have become closest with, you are my light. You guide me, you support me, you inspire me, you keep me from falling. Your strength gives me hope, and encourages me to pull through the struggles. Your sincerity teaches me to trust, to care, and to let go when it is necessary. Your nonchalantness and silliness invoke the child in me, and allow me to reevaluate the importance of different aspects in my life. Your talent and optimism encourage me to seek my own, and to experience things outside of my comfort zone. Your intelligence and kindness convince me that perfection is not imaginary and striving for it is not a crime. Your humor alleviates the stress and pulls me through, even if you don't realize it. Your unconditional friendship despite my attitude has taught me that there are genuine people in this world. The pain you have suffered has made me more sympathetic and understanding, but also breaks my heart.

My other thoughts are exactly perpendicular to my fears. There is a side of me waiting to explore my potential, and experience something completely different. I am ready to be enlightened by the hundreds of other people that can bring forth ideas and passions I have never perceived. I want to meet new people, I want to form new friendships and I blame that on the bonds I have already formed. I haved learned, and choose to believe that people are inherently good. My friendships now have made me confident in forming new relationships, because I have amazing friends. I do not want to forget the people I have encountered and I am not running away from the ignorant and arrogant. I thank friends and enemies for teaching me.

In a world of billions, I am but one person. Space is incredibly vast, and there is so much more to explore. My willingness to trust has been hindered by my experiences. Pain is what you learn from. I have watched so many other survive it. You give me hope, even if you don't realize it. You matter to me, even if it seems like you don't. And no matter what, I will always care when you choose not to.